I’ve been thinking a lot about Skeleton Woman.
Clarissa Pinkola Estés retells the Native American myth of skeleton woman very well. Basically, a lonely fisherman pulls in the twisted ghoul of a woman’s body on his line rather than a fish. She follows him all the way into his ice-house where he dives, shaking, into a corner. After a while, however, he takes pity on the woman and begins to sing her bones back to life. Nana-uh-nana-uh-nana-uh-nana, he sings. When a tear falls down his face, Skeleton Woman drinks it up.
Her bones rearrange themselves, muscle takes hold, and so does skin. Suddenly, she’s a full-fledged woman in front of him.
Estés uses the story to describe how, in order to have longevity in any relationship, you must love your partner when things are bare, as well as when the relationship is fun and romantic. Your partner may need time to themselves. Two people may not talk as much as in the past. Estés says that every relationship-and life itself, for that matter-has a life-death cycle. Sometimes things are fertile, and sometimes things are barren.
I’ve been turning this story over and over again in my head. At Pilgrim, right now, we’re working on finding a permanent pastor. Things are different and sometimes don’t feel as comfortable as they did when we had our interim, Sally Harris. In my personal life, my grandmother has Alzheimer’s, and my mother and I are in a sort of a holding pattern until we can get more help.
Why is it so hard for me to see right now that things will get better in my life? I may be in the death part of a cycle, but the rebirth is on its way. I give myself credit for hanging pretty tight with old Skeleton Woman. I use humor to add some levity to bad days. I meditate if I’m frustrated, or confused. But sometimes, it’s hard to see that Skeleton Woman’s skin will come back to her.
There was a six-month period when I was out of a job. I was really down. Some days I would just burst into tears. One morning, I was lying in bed, and I remembered something Marianne Williamson had said about applying the three days Jesus was in the tomb to the problems in our lives. You may be in the “three days,” but help is on the way. When I remembered the phrase “three days,” I sat straight up in bed and stopped crying. I started smiling.
-Cedric Rudolph
