Lent is said to be a time for introspection and laying bare the warped ways of our wayward souls; a time for laying our cards on the table, admitting at least to ourselves that we have stacked the deck, cheated the Dealer and even tried to beat the House.

“For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me.”  (Psalm 51:3)

In the death throes of a failed marriage years ago many insults were hurled from both directions, I regret to say. In a heated argument my husband charged, “You’re just like your father!” He knew that would hurt because he knew my father had hurt me. My response was absolute denial. A sense of betrayal. Outrage. Defensiveness. Humiliation. Shame.

But after a while, in a rare moment of self-awareness, I was able to sit quietly with those words: “You are just like your father.”

And I decided that I was.

I was strong. I was determined to live. I had an adventurous soul and I didn’t really care what other people thought. I had no choice but to live life my way. My spirit would not wilt, I would not lose my voice, I would find my way. I was like my father.

I also admitted to myself that some of my worst qualities and most shameful behaviors were like my father’s.

And you know what?

I was relieved.

I was relieved of the burden of trying to measure up. I was relieved of the fear of being found out. It was all out in the open. At times I was an awful human being. I could let that truth come to light. I didn’t like it, but I could live with it.

Shame lost some of its power over me that day. I felt light. I felt free.

It’s true. I am like my father – his best and worst self. I am wheat and chaff. I am daylight and nightshade. I am hot and cold. I am sweet and sour. And on my good days, I am not ashamed.

Shame tried to burn me and bury me but I found life in something I later learned was called Grace.

-Rev. Angie Wright